Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
