Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
