so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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