we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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