Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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