The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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