Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
