Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
