I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
