the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
