My girlfriend figured out who you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
