new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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