oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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