I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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