Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
