her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
