Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I died a long time ago.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
