She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
