someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
