Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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