I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
