we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
