Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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