A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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