god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
