come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
