Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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