i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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