Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
