Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
