dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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