Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
