but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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