you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
