My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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