I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
