I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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