i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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