is wine microwaveable?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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