1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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