My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize