omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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