i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
