I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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