You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
