It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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