I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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