the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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