Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
