About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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