I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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