im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
