Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
