I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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