I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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