We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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