I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
