my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
