life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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