the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
