Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
