we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
