How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
