i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
