ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
