Are we in a gay sports bar?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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