i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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