someone threw a dead crab at me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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