Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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