There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
