Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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