so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
