i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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