Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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