Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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